CLEVELAND, Ohio -- Former Cavaliers' guard Baron Davis told the hosts of "The Champs" podcast he was inducted by aliens in the desert while driving from Las Vegas to L.A. two weeks ago.
"I'm a little tired and see this light and I think it's a big truck," Davis said. "The next thing you know I was like in this big steel thing...with these crazy looking half-human people."
Sounds ridiculous, but maybe he nodded off. Maybe the big steel thing was Madison Square Garden and one of the big-eyed beings poking at Davis was Spike Lee?
The hosts weren't sure what to make of his story, twice asking him if he were serious.
Davis later Tweeted, "The alien thing is a joke."
Hey, crazier things have happened and I'm not just talking about Dennis Rodman becoming a spokesman for North Korean leader Kim Jong-un.
Just this week:
? 1. A San Francisco TV station broadcast the names of the cockpit crew of the Asiana Airlines flight that crashed in San Francisco. A paid anchor, reading from a graphic, actually said the names, "Wi Tu Lo" and "Captain Sum Ting Wong" (and another you can look up online for yourself) without blinking.
2.Prince Fielder and Miguel Cabrera, in America's answer to the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, got credited with a double steal.
3. Mark Reynolds bunted for a base hit.
4. The Cavs' signing of Andrew Bynum -- 7-foot worth of limping big man made completely irrelevant by injury last year -- was hailed in this town as returning the Cavaliers to "relevance."
5. A tornado of sharks terrorized L.A.
On that list, I'm pretty sure either the sharks or the Fielder-Cabrera double steal is fictional. The question of whether the Cavs landed the big fish in Bynum or are getting pranked isn't exactly the right one to ask.
The Cavs' organization has its eyes wide open. The contract offered him is prank-proof. It mitigates risk, first with 50 percent worth of incentives in Bynum's first year and then with a team option for the second year.
They can't really lose unless his immaturity becomes contagious in the locker room.
The leap from "nothing to lose" to "game changer" and "biggest free agent signing in history" is a great one, though. Players seen as huge difference makers usually get more than one contract offer.
It was difficult to bet on great things to come with the track records of the Cavs' two best players, let alone now with their three best:
Kyrie Irving (injuries)
Anderson Varejao (injuries)
Bynum (sometimes insult on top of injuries)
Head coach Mike Brown, who had issues with Bynum in L.A., rightly says Bynum can change games without scoring. But he can't change games in street clothes or even lagging down the floor on bad knees.
The Cavs didn't get a chance to see Bynum work out. The contract they offered tells you they're not exactly comfortable with what they saw on the MRI.
There's a fine line between being naive and chronically hopeful. After so much losing, credit goes to any fan who can still work up a healthy measure of optimism over Bynum.
Not getting the "Wi Tu Low" joke is as naive as Mo Szyslak taking Bart Simpson's call at the bar and paging, "Al ... Al Coholic ... is there an Al Coholic here?"
The definition of eternally hopeful is betting on Bynum. The headline, "Andrew Bynum leads Cavs over Heat in Eastern Conference Finals clincher," isn't totally out of the question. More just out-of-this-world.
SPINOFFS
? Bynum's agent says the player's knees won't prevent him from becoming an All-Star this season.
So it must be true.
? Jets' quarterback Mark Sanchez likes his chances in any quarterback competition.
"I put my money on myself," he said. Which he has proven over his career is easier than putting the ball on the money.
? Metta World Peace said this week he doesn't want to play for any NBA team, that he'd actually rather play in China for Yao Ming's Shanghai Sharks.
He could have ulterior motives for his announcement. If he is offered a job in the NBA and turns it down, he could lose the amnesty money the Lakers paid him.
Or it could have nothing to do with that and he's simply got swept up in Sharknado.
? World Peace (I'll never get tired of writing that) says he is also open to coaching or playing Arena football. He did not rule out baker or candlestick maker either.
? "I have to amnesty my jeans," the player formerly known as Ron Artest said when the Lakers released him. "They're too tight. I think I might also waive my toothbrush. I need a new one."
So the Improv is a career option, too.
? Neighbors said former New England tight end Aaron Hernandez, who is charged with the murder of Odin Lloyd, carried a low profile. Quiet. Kept to himself.
When has that ever been a recipe for criminal intent?
? The NFL is considering not inviting players to the Scouting Combine who are academically ineligible.
The league must feel those players are bringing down its Mensa rating.
? Orioles' first baseman Chris Davis, who has hit 35 homers in 94 games, knows what you're thinking.
"I have never taken them," Davis said of PED use.
If he were sitting in front of Congress and shaking his finger for emphasis, no one would doubt him.
? Manny Ramirez cut his hair at the request of the Texas Rangers, where he plays for the Class AAA Round Rock Express. The team offered a "Manny Markdown" at the team store after a recent game, knocking 5 percent off merchandise every time Manny made an out. He went 0-for-4.
Don't think of Ramirez as washed up. Think of him as washed up and a sideshow.
? Dodgers' phenom Yasiel Puig did not make the National League All-Star team, much to the relief of traditionalists who didn't want to see him rewarded for one good month.
Yes, you wouldn't want a player everybody in baseball is talking about getting a spot in a meaningless exhibition alongside underachieving token players from some of the worst teams in the league.
Integrity protected.
? Too early to know if Danny Salazar could become what Jaret Wright became for the Indians in 1997.
What we know is his 97 mph looks a lot as effortless as ballet to Wright's slam dance.
? Former Cincinnati Bengals cheerleader Sarah Jones won a defamation suit against the website TheDirty.com.
As if it's possible to lose a defamation suit against a website called TheDirty.com.
HE SAID IT
"My goal is always to catch 100 balls" -- Jets' tight end Kellen Winslow Jr., failing to meet his goal since 2004.
And falling just 99 short in 2012.
HE SAID WHAT?
"I'm not going to get up here and say we're going to win five championships. I'm not going to do that" -- Dwight Howard at his introductory press conference in Houston.
But can you at least guarantee you'll be happier for more than five minutes?
YOU SAID IT
(The Expanded Sunday Edition)
Bud:
Do you pick your lottery numbers by using Browns and Indians scores? -- Joe S
Yes. I can't think of anything that makes me so optimistic about cashing in an underdog bet than a Browns' score.
Hey, Bud:
If the Cleveland Indians were to package Trevor Bauer and Danny Salazar together, who would be the most Ubaldo Jimenez-like pitcher they could get in return? -- Tim, Twinsburg
That's exactly the kind of optimism I'm talking about.
Bud:
Once he's officially signed, do you think Andrew Bynum will throw a bowling party to kick off his time in Cleveland? -- Kristyn "Oke" Okress
Yes, but it will be bumper bowling with Bynum wearing the bumpers.
Bud:
Not sure why Bauer jumps up for three deteriorating starts with Salazar waiting in the wings? How do we judge potential versus performance? -- Jim Lanese
As the author of "You Said It," I am not familiar with either term.
Bud:
What a desperate and sad state of affairs. A lazy, overweight and knee-buckling player nobody else really wants is pronounced as the "greatest free agent signing in the history of the Cavs." What am I missing? -- Gary Wickliffe
The Kool-Aid truck?
Hey Bud:
It seems no matter where I shop, the cashier hands me the receipt asking me if I wouldn't mind taking a brief online survey rating my shopping experience. Would you ever consider asking your readers to complete a brief survey commenting on your writing skills? -- Ed Stagl, Berea
When your column ranks behind the erectile dysfunction ad nearby for readership, the people have already spoken.
Bud:
Was Tom Heckert's DUI for Driving Under the Influence or Drafting Under the Influence? -- Ron Corbut, Hudson
First-time "You Said It" winners receive a T-shirt from the Mental Floss collection.
Bud:
With the rash of DUIs involving Broncos personnel, will the term "the Drive" take on a new meaning in Denver? -- Joe
Some repeat winners want twice the limit.
Source: http://www.cleveland.com/budshaw/index.ssf/2013/07/cleveland_cavaliers_hope_andre.html
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